last month of the year

December sure came fast! Christmas preparations were in full swing, and R had an awesome schedule for the month that allowed him to be home every night and every weekend. It was my favorite! Although I was just talking to a friend about it, listening to her talk about how hard my life must be practically being a single parent, and I just shook it off saying that it's all I know right now in my life and really it's not that bad. Then I remembered the month of December, and told her that having dinner consistently planned, prepared, and on the table every night was the hard life and that's what everyone does! So it's all about perspective, right? 

In all seriousness, yes there are countless days when we maybe see R for an hour (and when that hour is changes every day), and I do manage the kids and the house practically by myself. And yes I can get caught up in the difficulties of that life if I allow myself to. But take a look at the bigger picture - I have a husband who is out there every single day (and has been for the past nine years) working his tail off training to learn and gain skills that will help him support and provide for our little family. He is the reason why I am able to stay home with my kids, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. He is trying his hardest to become a good doctor, and I am incredibly proud of him for the work he does. Yes the journey is long and hard, but every journey worth having is that way. And I seriously am grateful for it. 

I mean, who could not be grateful for life when they get to see this handsome little boy smiling and living life the way he does?! Yup - my life is pretty dang good. 

 Our neighborhood had a little holiday party, which included hot chocolate and cider and a hayride around the neighborhood to check out the Christmas lights. Both kids are completely in love with the lights, so we knew this was a must! We bundled up and had a great time!

 And gratefully we met up with our immediate neighbors there, which made the night just about perfect for L. It was definitely fun.

 And the next morning we had a church "breakfast with Santa." Logan totally cut his way through the line (without me even noticing!) to sit on Santa's lap. I yelled for R to run over there and take a picture quick while I stayed in line with Lady-LE so I don't even know if he said anything to Santa to not. But either way, he made it happen.

 This little lady was so curious and interested in the man with the beard, until it was our turn. I didn't have any expectations, so when she started protested I didn't mind. It's pretty traumatizing, and I get that. :)

 I added a couple new recipes for our goodie-plates this year to give to neighbors, and I must say that this recipe has become a new favorite. Found it here. You definitely need to keep them in the fridge once you make them, and hand-rolling small, sized balls is the key. So good, and really not that difficult. 

Played outside in the rain puddles one day ... and sadly looked completely white trash. Lady-LE's new fashion statement is the headband on the head, and it was a lounging-type day until we put our rain boots on, so don't judge! I love looking at these pictures and laughing at them ... I love those two kids. 

{and yes, those are my bulb tulips and daffodils coming up in the month of December. Crazy how soft and warm the ground still is! The evenings for sure get down to freezing, but the daytime warms up a ton. I'm positive that those mean squirrels ate all my tulips in the front flower bed (I put at least 50 in there), but for some reason left the daffodils and the persian buttercups I planted. I guess I'll find out in a month or so when they start blooming? ha - in the middle of winter! I don't get it!}

We went to a nearby Christmas celebration, which included the live nativity pictured below. R met us after work - hence the shirt and tie. It was beautiful, and a wonderful way to spend time together as a family. (I really am loving this schedule - we did this on a Wednesday night and R could come! YAY!)

I am grateful for the reason of the season: the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

We celebrate not only His birth, but His life, His example, and His love. 

Merry Christmas.

beautiful life

There is definitely something about Christmas that makes me nostalgic about life in general - not just the holidays of years past. I have felt this way every year; and usually it just increases my gratitude and appreciation for the important people in my life. But this year it's getting a little out of hand. Here are just a few examples:

• I specifically wait to read a friend's blog for a week or two (or three), and then gorge myself on reading, remembering, wishing, and commenting. It leaves me with a bitter-sweet feeling, and a very full heart.
• Seeing a picture of a Halloween costume on a younger brother made me tear up because L was best buddies with the older brother and I have a picture of them together years ago
• A box full of hand-me-downs came in the mail the other day from my sister. On top was a boy coat, and literally the instant I picked it up I saw him walking into our town home the day of his birthday, taking his coat off, and his little voice saying "Oh man! My coat still says 4 on it! But I'm 5 now!" and being so disappointed. And then I cried that he's not here walking into our house this year.
• While looking at a picture of my dad with one of his grandkids, I realized just how similar my face is to his - the chin, the cheeks, the nose. I definitely get my complexion, color, and freckles from my mom and think in general I look more like her (which I love). But this particular picture made me lean more towards my dad's face. Never having noticed this so much before, I cried because I am grateful that I look like him, and I miss him and my mom dearly (even though I get to see them in a month). 

Nostalgia is beautiful. Going back through memories, with the larger vision of life really helps you see the beauty in God's plan for us. Sometimes I find myself getting 'stuck' in memories, and sincerely wishing that I could relive those specific days again. 

Like being at Lake Powell the week before our wedding with Ryan's family. My father-in-law just sent us some pictures of that as a "warm memory for the cold winter" e-mail, and it made me stare at those pictures with such fascination. I have memories of that week, but I find myself wondering what my thoughts were, what I filled my days with, and how my dreams and hopes have changed through the years. According to the pictures, R and I were completely wrapped up in one another without a care in the world (as it probably should be for soon-to-be-newly-weds). Sure we knew that life is hard, and that it wouldn't always be that way. But we were enjoying the ease of our responsibilities, and I long for those days again. 

I have learned that there is danger in yearning for that idyllic past however. My memory (much like my father's) seems to naturally weed-out the negative experiences and cast a rose-colored hue to all the positive ones. While that is beautiful, and sometimes I stand in awe at those pictures in my mind, I know that typically it's not the whole truth. And I often allow myself to get carried away in that dreamland of memories more often than I should, and don't focus enough on the today as I need to. 

I know there's balance to everything in life, and I am often better in this than I am right now. Even with the challenges that R and I experience today and in this stage of our life, I find myself casting that rose-colored hue to it all. There is something sweet about the nostalgia of yesterday strengthening today. I am grateful for my memories, my experiences, my dreams of the past. They all add to and deepen my life today. And it's a beautiful life. 

thankful for november

What a beautiful month we had, and I definitely didn't share enough about it. So I don't forget, here are some other details about the month of November in the C-household:

 Playing outside with sweet friends.

 Leaves falling all around.

 Climbing trees.

 Bikes rides and walks as a family.

 Signing L up for preschool (he won't start until the new year). Feeling so excited for this new stage, and content knowing that he is completely ready for it.

 Anyone who knows L knows that he LOVES to wrestle. Thankfully Daddy obliges when he gets home from work before bedtime. What would we do without this release of energy?!

 Lots of playing in the leaves with friends - some serious fun impromptu leaf parties.

 Teaching Lady-LE just how fun leaves really are (she was quite hesitant first).

R did an overnight shift leading into Thanksgiving Day, so I pushed the kids myself through a neighborhood 5k Turkey Trot. It was awesome, and I am grateful for a sweet neighbor who let me run with her for more than half of it. What a fun way to use our bodies and show gratitude for the blessing of physical strength. 

We shared Thanksgiving dinner with some other resident friends and had a great time. The kids did great, which was definitely a blessing since they were the only kids there. It was neat to be around R's colleagues and get to know them more. Most importantly, I was with R and that made me grateful. 

Life is challenging, but oh so sweet.  

leaves and more leaves

Much like Ohio, North Carolina is gorgeous with fall colors. And especially since we are farther south this year, we are enjoying the colors for much longer! I feel like any outdoor pictures of mine for the entire past month include some activity with the leaves: raking, piling, jumping, hiding, tackling, crashing, running, etc. ALL involved piles of leaves. We have had fun, and I have learned that I really don't mind the raking of leaves. The air is cool and crisp, sometimes even warm. While it's work, it's gratifying work for me. And if Ryan's home and able to rake the leaves, then it always turns into a family party and we jump and run through the piles (much to Ryan's dismay). Here are some fun shots of the month. 

Enjoying the first changes of color - a little before Halloween.

 First experience climbing a tree. (embarrassed that my three year old has never done this before? Yes.) I was giddy as I told R about it later in the evening. Is it just me or is climbing trees the ultimate, quintessential activity for a childhood? We have some neighbors who are experts at climbing trees, and I am truly excited for them to teach L how to master the art.

I feel like L is finally to the age where we doesn't have to "re-learn" each season. He remembers it now, anticipates it, doesn't need to be told what to do (most of the time) and was so excited to throw the leaves up over his head.

 Here are those neighbor boys who L adores. They (and their youngest brother not pictured) are ALL boy, and I love their parents too. 

 Love the fact that they help create their own adventures. 

Holy pile of leaves Batman! We have HUGE oak trees in our front and back yard, and we have raked many, many times to prove it. (and there's still plenty left)

 Absolutely the best people in the world right here. 

 We thought about covering her with the leaves ... but we might have lost her.

 For some reason the large oak tree in our backyard is a week or two behind in changing than the front ones. This is the view out my kitchen window every afternoon. Gorgeous!

 A recent game has been piling leaves under the swing. Definitely a new favorite.

 This perfect little neighbor friend is L's best buddy out here. Oh these kids have such a fun time together (and so do us Mommies). Here we are playing at their house in the leaves. 

Seriously, it is the week of Thanksgiving and there are still plenty of leaves left to fall. Sometimes I'll load the kids in the car and just drive so I can see the beautiful colors.  I love how we've had cold spells, but I was outside today with short sleeves on chatting with the neighbors. Have I mentioned how much I love where we live? We have amazing neighbors and it's just a great place to live! You all should come visit (wink, wink!). 

more october

We had a wonderful visit from R's parents in October, and we loved every minute of it. From going to only seeing R for an hour each day to having five entire days with him was awesome (granted two days of those were adjusting back to daylight hours since he had been on night shifts for a week, but hey, not complaining!)! 

 All three C-boys working on putting up a bird feeder in our backyard. 

 My father-in-law helped us set up a perfect swing for our front yard trees, and it was an immediate hit. 

 This little lady LOVES it, and that is an understatement. For the next two months or so she would cry if we went outside and went straight to the car instead of swinging. She learned how to say "shwring" and said it all.day.long. every day. 

 G & R went to town on our backyard trees, cleaning them up and thinning them out. Some major clean up, and the back yard is so open and beautiful now! They kind of got carried away ... but I've heard that runs in the family. :)

I wanted to go to a pumpkin patch while they were out, so we went to the same local fall festival that I had taken the kids to the week before. Played some games, had an awesome hayride through a "spooky forest" as L called it, and picked out three little pumpkins to take home with us. And of course some delicious hot cocoa - since it was actually getting chilly in the evening! We ordered take-out BBQ that night and enjoyed dinner together after the kids were asleep. 

 We made a short little trip up to Blowing Rock and had a great time even though we didn't plan as well as we could have and got lost a ton! But maybe we can blame it on the navigator? Who ever lets a 15-month old have that kind of responsibility?!

 While there we went on a family hike and had a great time. Definitely my favorite part of the trip. L was a trooper and walked the entire time. Lady-LE on the other hand wasn't the greatest and would cry and scream whenever I tried to hand her off to someone. We had forgotten to pack the kid-backpack-carrier. Such is life. :)

 The hike ends at a large look-out of the falls. There's a small ledge of rocks that we saw at for a little while and snapped some pictures. 

 So grateful to have these wonderful people in our lives. We are endlessly blessed by their influence and love for us. Thank you SO much for coming out to visit us!!

 One more thing that G&C helped us with while they were here (there's an endless list actually), was staining that sweet picnic table R and my brother made me for my birthday. Yes it was months later, but it's done and we love the red! Yay!

 I love this picture of the kids - mostly blurry, with a tiny portion of it in focus. Kind of like life these days.

Enjoying more fall days in the swing. 

 For Halloween we had a few different times to dress up, so for a fun neighbor party I opted with recycling last's years costumes for Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. Up until this point, Lady-LE had been toying around with the walking idea, and could mostly do it but chose her butt-scoot more often than not because it got her there faster. So when I put this tutu on her she just stood there staring at it for a while. She honestly didn't know if she could sit down with the skirt on, so she literally just kept walking! It was crazy, and definitely the turned point in her walking-mobility. 

 I found some sweet green leggings in the girls section of a consignment store to complete L's Peter Pan - but couldn't find my wings for Tinkerbell anywhere so she went wing-less. L still got mistaken for Robin Hood, just like he did last year. But oh well. I think they were dang cute, even if they hated having their pictures taken. :)

Then for the actual Halloween night we used some sweet Buckeye gear I had been saving from OH. L was a Buckeye Basketball Player, and Lady-LE was his cheerleader. We went trick or treating with some neighbors for a little bit, and both kids loved it. We even bonded with a few other OH State fans here and exchanged lots of O-H   I-O cheers with friends and strangers alike. We came home a little early, and had a great time passing out candy to all the trick-or-treaters who came to our house. It was a crazy busy night and we went through a TON of candy. Just glad to have it out of the house! 

It was a great month!

falling behind in october

So while I did post a few times, I wanted to include other snippets of our life throughout October. Here are a few more memories, mostly in pictures:

 Our neighborhood holds an annual Oktoberfest, and it was a big hit! They had dinner, music, and tons of inflatables for the kids to play on. A wonderful neighbor of mine stopped by to make sure we were going, and I'm so glad she did! Their little boy A is perfect, and I hope Lady-LE gets a crush on him soon because he melts my heart all the time! At one point, towards the end of the night, L made his way over to the tennis court where some teenage boys were throwing a football around. We didn't know them, and yet they were awesome enough to throw the ball with L and to slow down long enough for him to throw it back countless times. Seriously? Teenage boys willing to play with some random kid? I love our neighborhood. :)

 We got to know an awesome neighbor friend who has become L's main buddy here. They're really close in age, and are so much a like (read: intense) that it sometimes leads to a love/hate relationship. But I completely adore little W and we love having this best friend just right across the street.

Lots of hide and seek.  

Painting the upstairs room + R on night shifts = he sleeps in our room on the main floor so we have to either keep out of the house or stay super quiet. One Saturday in particular I wore the kids out with all-day outdoor fun. We first hit up a local fall festival and had a blast playing. L rode a horse for the first time, and was very matter-of-fact about the whole business. They had a huge hay barrel maze set up for kids, with the barrels being taller than L. So kids would climb on top of the barrels and run and jump all over. It was seriously an awesome kid zone. 

This sweet girl saw us the first time I was helping L climb up the barrel, and she comes up and starts talking to me saying that she'll take care of him and help him around. She must have been around eight or so, there with a birthday party group, and was such a doll! I thanked her and said how sweet she was, and as she and L are walking away holding hands she turns around and says, "He's cute!" HA! Totally made my day, and I wanted to tell all the parents around me what an angel girl she was to help with L. She would pick him up and help him jump, holding his hand as they walked from barrel to barrel. L's hitting it up with the older girls ... 

After the fall festival we came home for lunch, attempted naps but neither kid went for 'em, and then left the house again for a local fall carnival. I caved and bought tickets for those carnie-rides, and was pleasantly surprised with how much I enjoyed it. We stayed there till dinner time, when we came home to see Dad for just an hour before he had to go to work. We were exhausted! It was a good day.

We learned how to fall asleep in the car again, which has been necessary on a few occasions. 

And played a lot at nearby parks enjoying this gorgeous fall weather. 

lessons while painting

Today has been hard. Like, crying during prayers so no one can see me cry kind of hard. This afternoon I went into the bedroom upstairs to mark all the spots that will need a paint touch-up on the walls. I began with only a few patches of blue-painters-tape-reminders, and then as I looked closer there were dozens of areas where the white primer was showing through. I had marked so many spots after just two walls that I gave up and admitted that it would take a full second coat for the entire room. Discouraged, I came downstairs to be confronted with an atrocious kitchen piled with dishes from Wednesday night's date-night cooking adventure to this evening's last minute breakfast burrito bar. I'll spare you the horrible details of the other rooms, but let's just say that the entire downstairs living space was not very livable.

After the kids went to bed, I started attacking the living room with my anger about the mess {and a few other things} fueling my energy. That anger quickly subsided into self-pity which led to even more tears of frustration because I know that my life is wonderful and blessed and I should not be complaining, even if it is to myself. Even still, I found myself lost in my thoughts and needing to "vent." The beautiful thing about typing is that you can type fast, get it all out, and then erase it before you publish. (Similar to Abraham Lincoln's philosophy of writing letters and never mailing them.)

As I wrote, I began to notice similarities from my previous experience during the day to how I felt about myself. The painting process can be long when all you can do is little bits here and there during nap times or after bedtimes. You start with taping every edge in the room, from the bottom to the top. Then a coat of primer, followed by the color of choice. When you're applying that first coat of color to the walls, it looks stunning. Transformation at its best. The paint is wet, smooth, and covers the previous "flaws" ever so nicely. I was giddy as a school girl at 11:30pm the other night after finishing and seeing the product of my hard work. A day passes, and you begin to look closer. You notice a small spot here, an edge over there, and a minor corner section that might need a touch-up. Another day passes, and you carefully cover your tracks and scrutinize every inch. It turns out that even through the hours you put into it, you will have to cover it all over again. The initial coat was simply not enough.

Life is hard work. And sometimes I have those high-energy phases where I want to 're-do' my life (not in a demolish and find a new life way but in a clean-up and fine-tune kind of way). I try to make improvements, change things up a bit, cut certain things out, work harder for specific goals, etc. I think it's healthy to always be working towards something, and to continually evaluate yourself and where you are versus where you want to be.

That being said, today I completely felt like those improvements that I've been trying to make were simply not cutting it, and my 'old self' was showing through way more than I wanted it to. And the more I looked for it, the more I found it. All of my weaknesses were exposed through the thin layer of improvements that I thought would be sufficient for a new me. And all I could feel was frustration. Frustration that the hours of hard work that I had been doing towards becoming a better self were in vain because I just have to go over it all.over.again. Retracing every step from top to bottom.

There is a lot to do in this life to become who you ultimately want to be. And the thing that I need to remember is that even after you get a good couple of coats on the walls, there will always be a need for touch-ups. There will inevitably be bumps, scratches, dings and marks that will need attention along the way. The work is never done. But that is a good thing. Through those retracing steps we can gain a different perspective than the one we had before. Slowly, but surely, we will get the results we are looking for. I just have to keep working, and remembering that this is all part of the process. The primer showing through doesn't mean that the first layer of paint was in vain. It just goes to show you that you're a little closer to where you wanted to be than before. I'm almost there ...

mini me

We often get distracted while we shop for produce these days.
I wonder where he gets it.