Do you ever find yourself doing something that you know is absolutely ridiculous, but yet you can't do anything about? You are either in too deep, or can't see any decent, self-respecting way to get out of it?
The other day I was trying to lay L down for a nap. Sleeping for L has been a continuous struggle - sometimes he's amazing and sometimes he's awful. And with the vacation for Thanksgiving, and it almost being time for our vacation for Christmas, there hasn't been a long enough stretch to really fix the issues. So I was nursing him, and he fell asleep in my arms. Perfect. I lay him down and he immediately starts to stir and fight it. This is where it gets ridiculous.
Instead of laying him down and walking out the door, I try to quickly duck under the bumper pad and lay on the ground right next to the crib. I tried to do this before he was able to turn over and lift his head up to see me walk out the door which always creates more drama. As I'm dropping to the floor, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "This is stupid. It's not going to work." But I did it anyway.
So I'm laying there. Listening to him cry and move around in his crib. He stops crying after a bit, and I can hear him moving around, playing with his pacifier and bear. I see him pulling on the bumper pad, and I am trying to be as flat and close to the crib as possible so he won't be able to see me. The whole while thinking to myself how ridiculous this is.
I start considering my options. Army-crawl to the side of the crib to take a peak at him? No - too risky. He'd definitely see me. Take a nap myself? Tempting - but I'm on the floor without a pillow or blanket, my arm fell asleep after using that as a pillow, and my cheeks are itchy from the carpet. Okay ... stop the nonsense and just walk out the door? I'm too weak - that shows how silly my idea was to begin with. Plus he'd see me and start screaming. Hmmm ...
There I am, contemplating all the dead ends in my plan. Meanwhile, I'm almost positive that L has seen me by now. And I have had not one, but two pacifiers drop on my legs since I laid down. He's beginning to play that dropping game waiting for me to pick them up for him. Oh the madness!
Finally, I start to smell an unpleasant aroma and know that L is the culprit. I give up. I stand up only to find L sitting up in the crib! Sitting! He has never pulled himself to a sitting position before! I take a brief second to marvel at his new ability, and then get back to business. Change his stinky diaper, try nursing him again, and lay him down once more. This time I walked out the door.
Sure enough, he started screaming as he saw me leave. I checked the clock - 45 entire minutes had passed. Did I mention that I knew this was ridiculous from the start? But yet I had started ... and I felt the need to continue. Why?!
I had the monitor with me downstairs when only a few minutes later I hear the mobile turn on. How on earth he reached it is beyond me. His mattress in on the lowest setting and the mobile is really high. But it at least entertained him for a little bit. And I have to give him credit for figuring it out himself. Now if he would only sleep.
I
really don't think I'm cut out for this parenting business.