random ramblings

I've been learning more about myself lately, and some of my observations are a little quirky and funny. So I'm writing them down as a random reminder to myself that it's okay to be ME. I have my own idiosyncrasies; some of which I'm content with and others I need to change. But this is me:

Does anyone else feel crazy insecure
posting a picture of just themselves?
I need someone else with me! 

-I work SLOW. Tediously slow. While sometimes it is the result of having children, there are other times when I am completely by myself and I am still slow as molasses. I like to call it "thorough" and make up excuses about "a job worth doing is worth doing right" - but in all reality, I just take my time. Every once in a while I'll have a spurt of spastic energy where I'll get tons of things accomplished all in a row. But on average, I feel no rush to all my responsibilities and I love it. While it's been frustrating at times (knowing how much I could accomplish and then still having a long list of un-done items at the end of the day), I am learning to re-set my expectations and embrace this slow stage in life. I'm positive it'll only get crazier as kids get older and more come into the picture. Right now my life is simple and slow, and I love it.

-I don't like to have dance parties with the kids unless Ryan is home. He literally is the swing to my step, and I find that I'm not near as spontaneous without him as I am with him.

-This is not new to anyone who knows me, but I am incredibly long-winded. Ask me a question, and 10 minutes later I might finally get to the answer. I just don't know the difference between "full disclosure" (which I'm a huge advocate of) and let-me-give-you-all-the-un-important-details-that-some-what-relate-to-your-question. It's an issue I've had since I could talk.

-My mind is not witty or clever anymore. {Was it ever?} You know those people who are smart, and can make those smart-jokes that are really funny? Yup. Not me.

-Cooking and eating vegetables might be my lowest priority in the kitchen. I simply don't know how to eat half the vegetables out there. Need to work on this ...

-Sewing has found a dear place in my heart. While I am not skillful or talented at it, I am learning and I completely love it. I can create beautiful things that stay beautiful. It has been a revelatory process for me.

-Scheduled "play-dates" intimidate me. There, I said it. I see their purpose, and the benefits that can result; but I get all uncomfortable when one comes up. Call it insecurity, call it 'free-spirited', whatever. I just like spontaneity and flexibility when it comes to play with friends.

-Day dreaming is quickly becoming a favorite past time of mine. I love to just sit and let my thoughts wander and see where they take me. I don't make any grand discoveries or epiphanies. I just like to have complete thoughts that resolve on their own accord, rather than being interrupted by someone else. :)

-I "personalize" my children's bad behavior too often. When L was sent home from preschool the other day with a note saying that he had to be talked to three different times about hitting and pushing other children, my initial reaction was completely self-oriented and I experienced thoughts of embarrassment, fear of others' judgments, guilt, frustration at myself, disappointment, etc. I don't get defensive about my child and his poor choices (i.e. thinking that he's such a good boy he would never do such a thing); but rather, I get defensive about how this behavior reflects my parenting (or lack-thereof) and all the implications associated with that. I need to be better at seeing the opportunity to teach rather than focusing on the judgments of others. Let's just say that we're working on it, both L and I ... and it continues to be a work in progress. Man alive do I wish I had all the answers.

-I love pinterest, but we have a love/hate relationship. We are currently on a "break" - unless it's something that I have found on my own accord and want to remember. No more mindless surfing through friends' pins and boards {at least for a little bit}. The lines of reality and some-day get blurred too easily for me; and I often feel overwhelmed by all the possibilities, or even negative about the lack of these possibilities in my life right now. I hate feeling that 'woe is me' feeling, because it is absolutely for the birds. Rather, I chose to take control of how I make myself feel - and that includes limiting outside stimuli every once in a while. TV and social media easily and frequently fall in this category. I consider it a creative cleansing for my mind. Ahhh ... and breathe.

-Last but not least: I need to get candy OUT of this house. I am learning that I have little self-control when it comes to consuming sugar. Bleh. I hate how it makes me feel, yet it is so easy to just grab another piece. I need to make it harder. Does it always have to be feast or famine for me?! I guess so until I balance out a little.

Definitely a random list, and I could probably keep going if I wanted to. Has anyone else discovered that perhaps you're not as 'normal' as you thought you were? ha! While I don't want to be normal, I do have those longings of becoming better like my dear friends and family. What is beautiful about life is knowing your own shortcomings and seeing how many people love you through them. I love my life, simply because of the beautiful people I share it with. Life is good.