day to day mothering

I have found over the years that I'm really good at documenting 'big' things in my family's life. Things that I know I will want to remember in years to come. I'm grateful for that, because I forget a lot. But I want to do better at remembering the 'little' things as well, and most importantly, record them so when my kids are grown and become parents themselves they can look back and get a glimpse of who I was as a young mother. 

I would have loved to know my own mom when she had little ones. 

  Who was she?

 Man alive do I wish I knew what she was like, how she did it, what her own dreams and goals were as a mother to young ones. 

 What did she yearn for, crave, put her energy into? What were her interests outside of us young kids? 

 Did she struggle to remember to just sit still and enjoy the moment?
(By the way, I love this picture with all of my heart. She was on the ground, close to us, laughing with us as we played - instead of capitalizing on this time of self-entertainment to focus on herself and her thousands of to-do responsibilities. Love seeing her joy as she watched our joy.)

What motivated her to keep going when she was just plain ol' exhausted and sleep deprived with a newborn and teenagers at the same time? 

 What thoughts took over when we were all asleep and the house was quiet?

What were her favorite moments with my dad during those young-kids-at-home years?

I have pondered these same thoughts about my wonderful mother-in-law too. They are both such strong examples to me.

For better, or for worse, I want to make a record of what I am like as a young mother. And I want to address it as if I were writing to my kids, telling them my favorite things about being their mom. The idea being that I will do this every year, and I will record the good and the bad (although I will intentionally focus on the positive). 

So, young children of mine, here is a glimpse of what I do as a mother in this stage of your lives.

 I positively melt while holding a newborn. Ask your dad, I want a newborn baby all.the.time. It gets even better when that newborn baby is mine all mine. 

I am not one to self-impose a structure on us, but absolutely crave to have external influences do so. I love having a routine, and know you do too. But for the life of me I cannot create one unless we are practically forced to do so. I love the beginning of school for this very reason, and the associated new beginning we feel from it.

I am always the last one to tuck you in at night and assemble your lovies around you in bed. You will allow Dad to do it if I'm not there, but if there is a choice it will always be me. (And I'm positive it was me who encouraged you to be so particular)

Our days typically involve multiple time outs, apologies, and loves (hugs). For all of us. 

When the stars align and we all (meaning Dad included) get to eat a meal together, you kids are always surprising us with your silly antics. I love just sitting and laughing together. 

 It is often just me and you kids while your dad is hard at work. We see him at odd hours of the day, and the time usually changes from day to day. But we take it in stride and try to adjust as needed. In all honesty, I struggle with shifting from single-parent-mode to team-parenting, but you kids don't seem to miss a beat. I have learned to have strength and expect more of myself when I need to. And I have learned to rely on the enabling power of the Atonement to help me have the strength when I feel the lack I need.

I pray and hope every day that I can help you kids be best friends for your whole lives. Life is way too short for sibling rivalry. Please oh please never grow out of this best friend stage! As Dad says, "Go Team Awesome!" :)

Lady-LE, you love to do things by yourself. You have such a streak of independence in you that it surprises (and frustrates) me. You wear your heart on your sleeve for our family, especially your older brother. You and I both have the mentality that the more people, the merrier. 

We pray for Daddy and try to include him in a lot of our conversations at home, keeping him in the front of our minds while he is away. We love to plan the stories we will tell, the job-well-done brags we will share, and the hugs and kisses we will give him. It builds up a fun anticipation for all of us.

We sing Primary songs every single day. And I love hearing L-man's primary leaders talking about how he sings with such enthusiasm (read: loud) during sharing time. They are apart of our bedtime routine, but I will often turn them on for background music if we're hanging out at home for a while. And they are always my go-to lullaby songs. 

I often will just grab one of you and wrap you in my arms in a tight squeeze. Sometimes I ask, but most often I don't.

Typically during those tight squeezes I will say, "You are my favorite L-man" or "You are my favorite LE." L-man is sweet enough to respond with "And you're my favorite mommy!"

Right now I'm training to run in a Ragnar team relay race, and try to go running every day. You kids recognize that, and get to play at the YMCA a lot if Dad's not home to help with watching you. I have learned how to self regulate myself in my training, and love the independence and strength I feel. Our bodies are truly amazing, and I hope I will be a good example of using mine wisely. I can't wait until you're old enough for us to go play sport games together as a family. My favorite are team sports -- mostly because if Dad's on our team then we will always win. :)

L-man, you can talk for hours. Thankfully I truly enjoy listening to you, but every once in a while I have to remind myself that there will be a time when you probably won't want to tell me stories about running from volcanoes or climbing a beanstalk, and I try to treasure it.

I always have the camera around, and try to take pictures of you kids a lot. You're finally used to it, and have accepted it as a fact. 

I end up playing the role of 'sit back and watch' instead of 'play with' like I should. While I do love to listen in the background, watch from around the corner, and secretly video tape your conversations with one another, I realize that I need to be in the middle of it all more often. At least I want to, and will try to be better.

I crave chocolate and ice cream and peanut butter. It is literally heaven when I get all three at the same time. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot get L-man to like ice cream. More for me!

I try to be regular about sending little love letters to grandparents while we live so far away from everyone. Typically this will involve some kind of small art activity that I initiate with the kids, we talk about stamps and the mailman, and we send it off. It helps us feel a little more connected to our dear family. We also love skype and face time.

Sewing is such a fun challenge for me (truly a challenge!), but I don't make the time to do it as often as I would like.

I love to read. If there is a good book I can easily get sucked in and forget all other household related responsibilities. I hope with all hopes to pass on the love of reading to you kids.

 I love having a cause to fight for. Grandy taught me the value in that.

ANYthing worth doing is better when we do it together. I truly, truly believe that. It's just my dang stubborn streak inside of me that says, "if you do it yourself it'll go a lot faster" and I forget. 

Each year I pick a word or a short phrase to associate all my goals with. Last year it was "to feel good" and I challenged myself to "feel good" in various areas of my life. This year it's "Work," and I am learning the value and purpose behind the blessings of physical, emotional, and spiritual labor. It has helped me remember the joy that can come from a job well done.

When I don't get enough sleep I am grumpy and my patience goes out the window. And I raise my voice far more than I should.

I love to have lists all over the place. Whether it's a seasonal 'bucket list', a daily check list, or a list of current goals - I have them up and around in our house to help remind me of the life I hope to be living.

I love the setting and preparing of new goals, and will create new goals quite often. I think Dad finds it hard to keep up with my *new* ideas all the time. :)

I can never get too many hugs. From everyone.

My favorite part of having Daddy home with us at any time of day, is to watch him play with you and to hear you both share your deep belly laughs as he tickles or chases you. If I could freeze any moments in time it would be those.

I believe in a quiet-paced life. Which usually means we stick around home a lot. We usually will have only one 'extra-curricular' activity going on at a time, if any. I know it will get crazy busy as you kids get older, and I hope that you will love to be active and involved in lots at school. But right now I love keeping you close and having a simple lifestyle. No need to over-schedule now. I need you to stay little.

I have learned that when I need to discipline you, I can say the exact same words in a different tone and get an entirely different reaction from you. If I am mad when I discipline, you act exactly like a mirror and shoot that anger right back at me. If I keep a steady, calm, but firm voice - and keep the anger out - then you are calm, listen, and respond -- most of the time. Boy has that been (and continues to be) a tough lesson to learn.

When I feel like I'm not doing the best job as a mom, it is SO helpful to be surrounded by those I love and try to emulate. And even though we're not geographically close to much family, their love and examples are always on my mind. I am incredibly blessed to have such good examples of motherhood in our family and friends. It is important to have friends who help encourage you to be a better person.

There are many things that I simply don't know. Situations that I don't know how to handle. Problems I don't know how to fix. I am learning, and I try to remember to apologize. Thank you for loving me through it. 

wrightsville beach

{a quick jump back to the beginning of August}
We came home from Lake Powell, R had work for a few days, and miraculously had what is called a "golden weekend" where he didn't have to work at all! Wow, we got lucky for sure. AND it just so happened that his birthday and our wedding anniversary fell on that weekend. So we celebrated by going to the beach - complete spur of the moment kind of decision and it was awesome!

We stayed in a cute town of Wilmington, NC. Crazy rush-out-the-door-forgetting-things stories occurred, and our first full day there required us to buy a new swimsuit for Ry. As he's in the store, the kids and I in the car, it starts raining. Hard. Mind you we were literally on our way to the beach, dressed and ready (sans R).

He runs out to the car and jumps in, looks at me and says, "It may take some work, but we are going to enjoy this." I burst out laughing, and that phrase was repeated countless times throughout our short trip.

We were able to enjoy the beach on both days, and loved it. Both days were cut short by crazy thunderstorms and lightening, but we had a great time. Here's a photo recap of our journeyings.

I have surprised myself by my love for sand on kids. I know at times it may be annoying, but while we're at the beach it is just so classically perfect that I fall in love with staring at the grains of sand on my little loves.  

 

By far the best guy in the world. Oh how I love him.

 And spending the morning at the beach as a family was the best way to celebrate our anniversary! 

Happy 7 years to us!

 We ate a late lunch and had a quiet time with a show for the kids at the hotel while R and I watched the Olympics. Go USA!

 The weather was a bit sketchy in the evening, so we opted to walk along the riverwalk in downtown Wilmington. L-man loved staring at the battleship across the river. 

 Sweet Lady-LE just loved running around. 

 We found a really yummy place to grab some dinner. The kids were fantastic, and R and I loved sharing our seafood plates. Hooray for celebrations! 

It was forecasted to rain, plus it was Monday night.  So we practically had the riverwalk to ourselves. 

 Lady-LE loved pushing L-man around ... until there was a slight hill in the way and she got stuck. R reached down to help her push up the hill, and this upcoming series was her reaction:

 Threw her body on the ground screaming. I told R to just let her be (since there was hardly anyone outside with us), and we had a good laugh watching her be so dramatic. 

 Eventually she looked around, and saw Daddy a little ways down. She stands up, and in her sweet, soft, sing-songy voice says, "Daddy! I coming!"

 And runs to R as if nothing ever happened. Oh that girl. She is getting way more opinionated for her own good. 

 We grabbed some delicious ice cream as a treat, played a little bit longer, then went back to the hotel for late bedtimes. 

 Tuesday morning we woke up, packed up our hotel room, and went out to breakfast. Then we hit up the beach again, and had a crazy weather morning! I'm not near good enough with my camera to know how to adjust everything manually for the crazy lighting we had, so a lot of the pictures from Tuesday are a bit sketchy. But I'm putting them up here in all their imperfect glory. It's all part of the learning process, and I still find them cute. Of course it's because my kids are the focal points, and I love that. Someday I'll have all the details of my camera figured out. Until then, I still love taking the pictures!

 The dark storm clouds were starting to roll in, but lucky for us we got a family picture in! Hooray!

Oh boy I love the men in my life.  

 Isn't it funny that my kids have the exact same hair? Strawberry-blonde. I wished so hard for the bright red hair that I think is so darling. But they both have a little bit of everything - blonde, light brown, and bright red - all mixed in with beautiful highlights. Silly observation, but I love it. 

 Lady-LE was not a fan of the water in her mouth. Cute girl. 

Happiness. 

 Oh we miss the beach already. 

The storm clouds came in, as expected, and it was in sane. We got drenched as we had to wash off, get dressed into clothes, load the car, and drive home. But it was so worth it. 

"It may take some work, but we are going to enjoy this."

Yes, we definitely enjoyed it.

Thanks for an awesome anniversary trip R! Love you more than ever.